Teaser #1
I don’t think I can wait much longer, I wrote into the Facebook chat window. Surprised how adept I was at typing with one hand. It was me touching me and him touching me. What happens now?
Now? he typed. I’m coming over.
While I waited for him, I searched my room for the pale pink bra and panties I’d described. I found them at the bottom of my underwear drawer. I hadn’t worn them since a Valentine’s Day years ago.
It sounded like James was kicking down the door instead of knocking. I answered in my robe, my underwear and bra underneath. I guess I wasn’t ready to be full-on Candy yet.
But when he kissed me and led me down the hall to my bedroom, I didn’t care who I was so long as I was with him. I couldn’t even talk and didn’t want to ruin the moment by asking him any of the questions in my head.
Forget my head. Forget my heart.
I had more enjoyable body parts to deal with. He walked me backward, our kiss sealing us together, our arms and legs tangled up in each other the whole way. We reached my bedroom. I pulled off my robe. He pulled off his shirt.
“I thought I already took those off,” he said, pulling on the floss of my thong.
“Not with your teeth,” I replied.
Teaser #2
“I’d rather be here with you,” I admitted, a bullet so true it could have knocked me back when I said it.
“Then be with me,” James said.
“I want to,” I said. I did. I wanted to be fearless. I wanted to “let go.” I wanted to be everything Professor Dylan and my parents thought I shouldn’t be. In my writing, in my life, in the love I chose. In the love that chose me.
I couldn’t stand it anymore. I kissed him hard. So hard, he stumbled and had to steady both of us.
He held the back of my head firmly, like he was afraid I would stop.
There was no way.
He turned me and pushed the exit door so we both fell outside, our lips and bodies still joined, tripping blindly alone and with solid certainty together.
We were out in the alley behind the restaurant. I was going after his belt, and he was raising my skirt. He pressed me against the wall and the humid air hit my thighs.
He put his finger in the waistband of my skirt, glided it back and forth, tickling my hip. “You sure about this?”
“I was always sure,” I said, pulling the condom from my pocket and handing it to him. It was true, even if Candice couldn’t admit it until now. Denying my feelings, denying me was done. This was what I wanted, who I wanted.
His tongue was in my ear and my mouth was on his throat when his body and mine connected, crackled. It was the first time I’d ever been with someone where I felt like I was in charge of what my body was doing. What my body was making his body do. I chose this. I chose him, and he had no choice but to comply.
Teaser #3
James swam closer to me. “I would ordinarily try to kiss you right now, but we’re on campus,” he said, continuing the fantasy of the two of us just being together without the complications of being the two of us.
Here it was—the kiss conversation. I guess it was impossible to deny there was something happening between us. Whether he finally said it or not, I could feel it. My whole body was begging for him, pleading on its knees.
“What about any of this is ordinary?” I asked. We were floating side by side. Toe-to-toe, shoulder to shoulder, cheek to cheek. I could have ducked underwater. I could have run out of the pool, or away. There was a whole world I could have put between us if I wanted to, but instead I hovered there waiting to see what he would do next. Waiting to see what I would do next.
“The part where we are supposed to stay away from each other,” he said, turning to me. His lips were so close, waiting for mine to connect, to make a choice, to show him I could make a choice.
“I’ve been thinking about revising that rule,” I said, the words out before I could stop them.
“Ooh, revision. We going to take a red pen to this relationship?” he asked his breath as warm as the water on my face.
I shrugged. I couldn’t respond. I’d already said too much. It was easier to write the words, easier to hide behind silence. Confessing my real feelings for James would only do one thing—get me hurt. Sure, he wanted to kiss me now, to be with me now, but that would change. I would never let myself be in a situation like that again.
“I think I’m going to get out.” I swam to the wall, climbed up the stairs, and sat on the edge with my legs dangling in the water.
James swam over to me. “It’s too bad we can’t be together,” he said, his face parallel to my wet knees, “because this gives me some ideas.”
Droplets from his hair pinged against the surface. He exhaled so close to my thighs it felt like each freckle on my skin was the result of a lightning strike.
Maybe I could leave Candice behind and just be like one of Candy’s characters. Why couldn’t James and I have a purely physical relationship? It was clear my Miami life was sorely, or not so “sorely,” lacking in that department, and after drinks with Professor Dylan, it appeared James could be trusted to keep his mouth shut.
“What kind of ideas?” I wanted to know what they were, badly, but could I go through with them?
“Not the kind a student should be thinking about his teacher.”
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