EXCERPT
ONE (Clean):
I
walk quietly over to the door and press my ear against it to listen. I can hear
the clicking of a computer keyboard, then the rolling wheels of a chair.
Finally soft footsteps as he pads towards the doors. I back away, afraid of
being caught. But he doesn’t slide them open. Instead, the lights flick off and
then his footsteps retreat. I hear the crack of a beer bottle being opened, and
then a sigh.
I
slide the doors apart, just enough to peek inside.
There’s
a large monitor on the desk sitting on front of a wall of windows. And on the
screen are the images he took of me this morning. Of JD and me. And of the
three of us out on the terrace. They flip by, hundreds of them, at least. Maybe
thousands. I look over at the couch where he’s sitting with a beer propped up
on his leg, staring at me.
“You
can look at them if you come in here to do it.”
I
don’t know how he wants me to respond, so I’m unsure if I want to look at them
or run back to JD’s room and hide.
“I’m
sorry about that,” Ark says, clearing his throat. “It’s just… JD stopped
thinking about her, ya know? It took him so fucking long to stop thinking about
her. And now here you are with a clue. And…”
I
step into the room.
“And
he’s gonna go looking for shit again, I just know it.”
I
take another step towards him and Ark pats the space on the couch next to him.
“I love these pictures. Come look at them with me.”
I
take two more steps, and then I’m within arm’s reach and he slips his hand in
mine.
My
body shivers from his touch, but I let him pull me the rest of the way, and
take a seat as he lets go. My butt is barely perched on the cushion, my hands
in my lap, my body on high alert in case he wants to hurt me.
But
he doesn’t. He surprises me by scooting away, propping his back against the
armrest, and stretching out his legs behind me. They are long and in the way,
so now I can’t lean back.
He
takes a swig from his beer. “I saw you this morning. God, has it only been one
day?” I know what he means. It feels like I’ve been in their house forever.
“And answers were the last thing on my mind, Blue. I mean, fuck. I’d given up,
just like JD. I gave up a while back, actually. Just accepted that this was the
way things were. The way my life was gonna go. But fuck.”
I
don’t know what any of that means, but I take that it’s not good by the way he
finishes the beer and then throws it across the room, where it lands cleanly in
an open-top trash can near the desk. “Get me another one, will you?”
I
look down at him and squint.
He
stares back. His eyes are bleary, and red, and now that I look closely, tired.
Not tired like he needs sleep. But tired in a way I can relate to. The kind of
tired where your body feels heavy and your mind feels empty. “Never mind,” he
says in a soft voice that I’ve never heard before. He says it, but he doesn’t
stop staring.
“What?”
I ask, getting uncomfortable.
“Why’d
you come in here?”
“I
was…” I was looking for my money so I could leave. But this guy. These guys…
they are pulling me towards them somehow. JD and his charm. Ark and his
distance. And despite the fact that they take advantage of girls for a living,
they feel very… vulnerable. It feels precarious. Like the whole thing might
come crashing down at any moment. Like they are held together by some invisible
thread. And not some mental connection or shared experience, either. Although I
have no doubt they have all that too.
Held
together by a thread that’s invisible because it’s nearly gone.
We
are alike, then. Aren’t we?
Three
people brought together by the early-morning rain.
Two
of us clinging together, trying to stick it out. Ride the wave until it
crashes, and then help each other up to start all over again.
One
of us already dead. Still walking, but not living. Waiting to be saved. Or
maybe wanting to be the one who does the saving.
EXCERPT
TWO (Hot):
Who
is this man?
How
did I get from where I was to where I am?
Why
do I constantly have to ask myself this question?
“Did
you like school growing up, Blue?”
“You’re
out of questions. You owe me, I don’t owe you.”
His
laugh makes his chest rumble beneath my back. “You’re right. I do. But we’ve
got all day, so let’s just talk for now. High school. Yes or no?”
I
let out a long breath and try to enjoy the intimacy he’s offering. I don’t get
a lot of offers. “Yes, I liked school.”
“Were
you smart? Did you get good grades?”
“Yes.”
“And
what did you want to be when you grew up?”
And
there it is. He’s pretty good at this, I have to give him credit for that. He’s
asking questions about the distant past so he can draw conclusions about the
present.
“It’s
not a hard question.”
“What
did you want to be?” I ask, not to be a bitch and throw it back in his face,
but because I’m interested. “King of Public Porn was something you aspired to?”
“Believe
it or not, I wanted to be a soldier. A Navy SEAL.”
“Hmmm.
Tough one. It’s like me saying I wanted to be a novelist.” I look over my
shoulder a little so I can get a peek at his face. But he surprises me by
resting his scratchy chin on my shoulder, making the moment even more intimate
than it was.
“Huh.
I don’t see the connection.”
I
roll my eyes even though he can’t see them. “It’s a dream people have. The
reality of it is so much bullshit.”
“Because
it’s hard to make it to the finish line?”
“Are
you a Navy SEAL?”
“Are
you a novelist?”
“No,
that’s my point. It’s just a dream.”
“Do
you even write?” His hands slide up my front and cup my breasts. He squeezes
them hard and the familiar throbbing begins between my legs. Goddamn, this guy
is good. Always got his eye on the prize. And how the fuck did sex with him
become a treat I desire instead of the other way around? How did he do that?
Make me want him so thoroughly?
“Blue?”
I
let out a long breath, hoping to calm the rising storm building inside me. But
the heat of the water, and the heat of his body, and the heat of my own desire
are all I can think about. So instead of evading, and because I want him to
fuck me so badly, and at this point I realize he knew that denying me last
night would make me even more susceptible this morning… I answer him with the
truth. “I do.”
“Mmm,”
he says, his hands rubbing down the inside of my thighs. They dip so low, I can
feel the water swirl around my clit.
This
makes me gasp a little, and for a fraction of a second, I’m embarrassed. But
then the little swirls of water are back and that’s all I can think about.
“Fuck
me,” I whisper.
“What
do you write, Blue?” he asks like a man in control.
“Stories,”
I say, like a woman on the edge of sexual frustration madness.
“Where
can I read one?”
“Fuck
me.”
“If
I fuck you, will you let me read one?”
I
turn around in the tub and look him in the eyes. They are knowing. Like they
know I’m his. “Fuck me like you’d fuck your wife on her wedding night.”
“And
you’ll give me a story?”
I
nod. “I promise.” It comes out as a whisper.
He
leans down and kisses me. His hand cups the side of my face and I turn into him
even more. My leg hits his erection and that makes him claim my mouth harder.
His tongue pushes inside, searching. Like he’s seeking the truth and it can
only be found by twining ourselves together.
EXCERPT
THREE (hot):
I
open the shower door and both sets of eyes turn to me. JD smirks, like he knew
I wouldn’t be able to stay away. “You’re too late, bro,” he says, a small groan
coming from his throat as Blue takes his dick deeper into her throat. But then
JD relaxes and turns his attention back to me. “You have to sit this one out.”
He nods his head to the tiled bench on the far side of the shower.
I
shrug and take a seat on the bench. “Makes no difference to me,” I tell him.
“This is my usual view anyway. Me watching while the throwaway girls suck your
dick for money.”
JD’s
smile falters and the girl pauses her bobbing head, like she might say
something back. But then JD places his hand over the crown of her head and
bends down, his dick falling out of her mouth like the water dripping down his
back.
“Ignore
him,” he says. And then he kisses her on the mouth and stands up. She tilts her
head up and holy fuck, I’d pay a thousand dollars right now to see her blue
eyes looking up at me like that. Because I know what she’s thinking. It’s the
same thing they all think.
He
uses them. Pays them to suck him off in public. Everything that pours out of
his mouth is a lie. And they know it.
But
she’s looking up at him like he’s her king.
He
smiles down at her and she resumes, placated. And then JD looks me dead in the
eye. “You told me to be nice in there?” He motions to the bedroom.
I
don’t answer him. He knows I did.
“Now
it’s your turn. She might be yours, but she wants me.”
“Then
why am I here?” It’s a serious question. He could break our rule and just take
her. He knows I won’t fight him over it. Not over a girl. It won’t happen.
“Because
I know you want her. And just once, Ark, I’d like to see you get what you
want.”
“What
the fuck does that mean?”
He
squats down again to kiss Blue on the lips. “Let’s turn a little, baby. So Ark
can watch.” She scoots around until her body is sideways to mine as he grabs
the soap.
And
then I do get what I want. I take what JD gives me. Because her eyes lift and
meet mine. She holds my gaze with none of the maliciousness I came in here
with. She holds my gaze with trust.
I
look back. Her attention is on me, not JD. But JD doesn’t seem to mind that
she’s stopped, because his fingers are playing with her clit, making her eyes
droop to half-mast. And when he says, “Jerk off, man. She’s waiting for you to
start,” I get that feeling once again.
This
will not turn out well.
But
I’m caught in the spell of a trusting girl, my best friend, and a rock-hard
cock. I can’t help myself. I begin to move my hand up and down my shaft. My
thumb slides up over my wet tip and then my palm slips back down my length in
long, slow strokes.
A
few pumps with Blue’s eyes on my movements and I’m dying. JD’s fingers are
fully inside her now, and she’s buckling her back as he soaps up her breasts.
He withdraws his fingers, reaches under her, and lifts her up with two hands
cupping her ass. Her legs wrap around his hips and he enters her with one quick
thrust.
She
gasps, her fingernails digging into his shoulders. And then he slows down and
fucks her like that for a few moments. “You like it hard or slow, Blue?” he
asks.
“Both,”
she whispers.
“You
like it rough or soft?”
“Both.”
“You
like me or him?”
Blue
opens her eyes and looks first at me, then back to him. “Both.”
“Why?”
His
question stops her and me at the same time. “Why?” she asks.
He
nods. “Why both? Why not just one?”
She
looks at me, but I can’t help her. Because I’m interested too. She takes her
gaze back to JD, who is fucking her so slowly now, it’s just a barely
detectable grinding. “Because I need to be surrounded. I need be held on both
sides. I can’t feel safe unless I’m surrounded.”
I
don’t know what that means, but JD must, because he kisses her on the lips.
It’s a long, tender kiss. Not a kiss I usually see him give. If he kisses the
girls we film, it’s always hard and demanding.
But
everything about Blue is soft.
And
JD, who is normally not soft, decides in this moment that he will be soft for
her. He gives in. I can see it.
I
stop masturbating and just watch them.
Blue
responds with a long, passionate kiss of her own. Her body, still being held up
only by JD’s hands under her ass, slowly moves in tandem with his hips.
I
watch them make love.
And
when JD comes inside her, she doesn’t throw her head back and scream out her
release. She rests her head on his shoulder and cries.
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