Release Blitz: Untrainable by Jamie Schlosser

Title: Untrainable

Author: Jamie Schlosser

Genre: Romantic Comedy

Release Date: December 13, 2018

Blurb

It doesn’t take much to become the laughing stock of reality television. Just ask Theodore “Theo-Dog” Legend. Once you’ve pissed on a fire hydrant in front of the paparazzi, no one ever lets you forget it.

Hadley Holiday is on her way to being America’s sweetheart, thanks to her dog training routine on a national talent show. Although she didn’t win first prize, she snagged Theo’s attention and he’ll do just about anything to make her his—even if it means being the butt of everyone’s joke once again.

Hadley wants a career in showbiz. Theo needs to get rid of that doggone nickname—pun intended. Pairing the two together on a new show sounds like a disaster waiting to happen... or it could be the best thing that’s ever happened to them.

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Excerpt

“Okay. Change of plans—pie first, cleaning later. I get weepy when I’m hanky.”

“Hanky?” Theo followed me to the kitchen.

“It’s a portmanteau.” Walking over to the table, I removed the foil from the dish. Steam billowed up, carrying the heavenly scent of apples and cinnamon with it.

“I’m sorry, a what?” Sounding utterly confused, Theo went over to a small white coffee maker next to the sink and punched a button. It sputtered for a few seconds before the aroma filled the room.

He grabbed two mismatching mugs from the cabinet. Setting them down, he leaned back against the counter while he waited for me to explain.

“Blending two words to make one,” I said. “Hungry and cranky equals hanky.”

“Isn’t the term ‘hangry?’”

“No, I don’t think that fits. I don’t get mad,” I clarified. “Just irritable.”

“It’s kinda like my nickname, huh? Putting Theodore and dog together.”

“Yeah, kind of like that.” I grimaced because he obviously wasn’t a fan of the combination. “I’m sure whoever came up with that thought they were being very clever.”

“They probably got promoted.”

“Probably.”

“Well, I’m feeling mighty humpy myself.” When he said the word ‘humpy’, I could’ve sworn I saw his pelvis do a slight thrust.

I almost fell over. “Excuse me?”

He sent me a grin that did funny things to my stomach. “Portmanteau. Hungry and grumpy. Humpy.”

That was inappropriate but also correct. I couldn’t knock him for coming up with his own word, even if it did draw my attention to his groin.

I tried to force myself to look away from his lower half, but it was really difficult.

Because now that I wasn’t scrutinizing his living quarters, my thoughts went elsewhere: straight to the gutter.

The gray fabric of his pants stretched over his crotch, and he probably wasn’t wearing underwear because I could see a very distinct outline of his dick.

I didn’t mean to stare at it, but it was just right there. Out in the open. And alarmingly large. It was like spotting a rare animal in the wild. The thing practically needed its own Australian accented voiceover.

Inexperienced as I was when it came to actual sex, I wasn’t completely innocent. I knew what a semi-erect penis looked like. The length of it rested against his thigh and the definition of the thick head was impressive.

I swallowed hard.

“Hey.” Theo’s voice startled me, and my eyes snapped up to his.

My cheeks were on fire. I’d been caught, and I wanted nothing more than to sink under the table and hide.

“Hi,” I squeaked, lowering myself into the chair.

“Let’s just blame the rough start to the day on low blood sugar. Deal?”

Well, that wasn’t what I’d expected him to say, but it was a lot better than him calling me out for eye-balling his junk.

“Deal,” I responded. Then for my own benefit, I added the reminder, “I’m looking forward to being coworkers and friends.”

His left eyebrow arched on the word ‘friends.’

Dang it. Maybe he did see me checking him out after all.

For the sake of my sanity, I really hoped he was planning to wear jeans for the show. And maybe some underwear with crotch-confining support. Like a girdle, but for penises.

Author Bio

Jamie Schlosser grew up on a farm in Illinois surrounded by cornfields. Although she no longer lives in the country, her dream is to return to rural living someday. As a stay-at-home mom, she spends most of her days running back and forth between her two wonderful kids and her laptop. She loves her family, iced coffee, and happily-ever-afters.

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Cover Reveal: Untrainable by Jamie Schlosser

Title: Untrainable

Author: Jamie Schlosser

Genre: Romantic Comedy
Cover Design: Tanya Baikie, 
More Than Words Graphic Design
Photo: Sara Eirew
Models: Gus Caleb Smyrnios & Karine Lefebvre

Release Date: December 13, 2018

Blurb

It doesn’t take much to become the laughing stock of reality television. Just ask Theodore “Theo-Dog” Legend. Once you’ve pissed on a fire hydrant in front of the paparazzi, no one ever lets you forget it.

Hadley Holiday is on her way to being America’s sweetheart, thanks to her dog training routine on a national talent show. Although she didn’t win first prize, she snagged Theo’s attention and he’ll do just about anything to make her his—even if it means being the butt of everyone’s joke once again.

Hadley wants a career in showbiz. Theo needs to get rid of that doggone nickname—pun intended. Pairing the two together on a new show sounds like a disaster waiting to happen... or it could be the best thing that’s ever happened to them.

ADD TO GOODREADS

Author Bio

Jamie Schlosser grew up on a farm in Illinois surrounded by cornfields. Although she no longer lives in the country, her dream is to return to rural living someday. As a stay-at-home mom, she spends most of her days running back and forth between her two wonderful kids and her laptop. She loves her family, iced coffee, and happily-ever-afters.

Author Links

FACEBOOK

FACEBOOK GROUP

TWITTER

AMAZON

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Release Blitz and Giveaway ($20 Amazon gift card + signed paperbacks): OUTCAST by Jamie Schlosser

Title: OUTCAST
A Good Guys Novel

Author: Jamie Schlosser

Genre: New Adult/College Romance

Release Date: March 15, 2018

Blurb

KAYLA
My infatuation with Ezra Johnson started how all obsessions begin—with a simple crush. Over the years I silently soaked up every shy smile and random act of kindness, wrestling them away to a secret place in my heart meant for unrequited love.
Because if it wasn’t for the fact that I tutor him once a week, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t even know I exist.
Then I find his sketchbook.
And it changes everything.

EZRA
There are two certainties in my life: I’ve been in love with Kayla Reynolds since I was fourteen, and I can’t have her.
I’ve spent years settling for a two-dimensional fantasy world, capturing her beauty with a pencil and paper. She’s kind, smart, gorgeous…
And she belongs to someone else.
Or so I thought.
An interesting turn of events makes me realize things aren’t always how they appear on the outside, and now I’ve got my chance to be the man she deserves.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been called a loser. The cripple. An outcast.
But maybe—just maybe—this time the good guy won’t finish last.

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Excerpt

PROLOGUE

Four Years Ago

EZRA

In all my fourteen years, she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.

She was a new student, and from the teacher’s brief announcement I learned she was originally from Cleveland. When Mr. Marks asked her to stand in front of the class and introduce herself, her hands anxiously twisted together as she quietly let out the name I’d say in my head thousands of times over the next several years.

Kayla Reynolds.

She was a tiny thing in a gray T-shirt, skinny jeans, and Chucks. Skin the color of coffee with a healthy dose of cream, light green eyes, full lips, and her hair was red. Not fiery-red—a deep auburn that reminded me of my favorite kind of sunset.

The color of the wild ringlets seemed out of place with her caramel skin, and it was like all her features had been put together with a bunch of mismatched pieces.

The unique combination was stunning.

Gorgeous.

I couldn’t stop staring.

Hushed whispers filled the classroom. I wasn’t the only one studying the new girl. Heyworth, Ohio wasn’t the most diverse town, and Kayla’s distinct characteristics made her stand out like a candle in the dark.

Awkwardly shifting from one foot to the other, she sent a pleading look to our teacher.

“You can take a seat,” he told her, and she shuffled to the empty desk in the front row, just diagonal from me.

Obviously uncomfortable, she quickly glanced around before looking down at her clasped hands.

I felt bad for her.

It was hard enough coming to a new town, but freshman year started two weeks ago. Everyone had already gotten time to get acquainted and, truth be told, most of us had been in the same grade since kindergarten.

And now here she was, unfamiliar and different.

Painfully pretty.

The kind of pretty that made hearts hurt with longing or jealousy. Longing for those who wanted to be with her, and jealousy for the ones who wanted to be her. Both could bring out a darkness we all had somewhere deep inside.

I was in the former category but instead of letting it bring me down, I felt my heart lift a little. Usually school was hell for me, but the thought of seeing her every day made it a little more bearable.

The buzz around us continued as our peers blatantly discussed the most interesting thing to happen in our grade for a long time. I didn’t hear all of what they said, but caught the words “Carrot Top” and “Chia Pet.”

Why did people have to be such dicks? I should’ve known it wouldn’t take long for them to pounce.

Suddenly, I wanted to tell everyone to stop gawking and mind their own fucking business.

Anne’s blond hair almost smacked me in the face as she whipped her head toward the new girl.

“So, what are you?” Leaning to the right, she giggled as she pulled at a strand of Kayla’s hair. “Like, are you Hispanic or something?”

I narrowed my eyes at the rude girl in front of me.

“Um, I don’t know,” Kayla responded, squirming away from the hand petting her head. “I was adopted.”

“I heard she has two dads,” Abby, Anne’s best friend, whispered loudly from somewhere behind me. “Gay dads.”

Snickering broke out among the class. Kayla’s delicate hands balled into fists until her knuckles turned white.

Fury ignited in my chest.

I’d never stood up for anyone before, not even myself. I wasn’t witty in the heat of the moment. I always thought of the best comebacks hours after it would’ve been useful. I didn’t know the first thing about defending someone.

But I couldn’t do nothing.

Just as I started to stand—with zero plan in place—a heavy hand landed on my left thigh and my leg buckled. I dropped back in my seat with a grunt as pain shot through my knee.

“What do you think you’re doing, Slug?” AJ sneered.

I bristled at the awful nickname. Not slug as in slugger, a baseball champ. Slug like the fat, slimy, slow-moving lumps that came out after too much rain.

“Uh—um—”

“Uh—uh—uh,” he mocked with a laugh. Then his tone turned deceptively kind as his hand left my throbbing leg. “Hey, you know what you should do?”

Instead of a response, I gave him a skeptical glare.

There was one word for AJ Nelson: bully. Okay, there were a lot of words for him, but none of them were nice.

“Blush,” he barked out the command, and my cheeks flared against my own will. I knew if I looked in the mirror, I’d see a bright red flush all over my face.

The worst part about being made fun of wasn’t the hit to my self-esteem. It wasn’t feeling unloved or unpopular. It wasn’t even knowing so many of my peers stood by and watched it happen, silent and unwilling to intervene.

It was the humiliation of being put in my place. The degradation of being constantly reminded that my body betrayed me. That I wasn’t in control; they were. And people like AJ took every opportunity to let me know it.

Embarrassed, I dipped my head so no one would see, but it was too late. The new girl had rotated in her seat, looking over her shoulder at me with so much empathy, it only made the heat in my face worse.

She offered a timid, yet brave smile. “Hey, what’s your name?”

“You can call him Slug,” AJ supplied, and she gave him a fierce scowl.

Before I could form a response, a booming voice came from the back of the classroom.

“Yo, Kayla. Come sit next to me.”

I turned to see Gavin, the star linebacker for our football team. Dude was a beast. Freshmen never got put on the varsity team, but the coach had made an exception for the 6’4”, 210-pound giant. He was a nice guy, though. Soft-spoken and polite. He mostly kept to himself, so it was unusual for him to make such an outburst.

Mr. Marks cleared his throat. “That’s not Kayla’s assigned seat, Gavin.”

He gave the teacher a hard stare. “It is now.”

Kayla’s wide eyes bounced back and forth between the two until Mr. Marks waved his hand in permission.

After gathering her books, she trudged to the back row. Gavin gave a gentlemanly bow before pulling out her seat. The frown on her face was replaced with a grin, and a bolt of jealousy shot through me because I couldn’t be the one to protect her.

Even if AJ hadn’t been in my way, I would’ve fumbled over my words. I wasn’t intimidating. I wasn’t commanding.

I was Ezra Johnson, the cripple.

And that was why a girl like Kayla Reynolds would never be interested in a guy like me.

Her gaze briefly met mine before Gavin snagged her attention away. Tipping his head toward her, he whispered something I couldn’t hear, and she giggled.

“Guess we know who’s getting some from the new girl,” AJ remarked crudely, earning a few laughs.

And there was nothing I could do about it. If I told him to shut up, he’d just remind me how powerless I was.

My chest burned with anger as I opened my brand-new sketchbook to the first page and started to draw.

As Mr. Marks droned on about American history, my pencil moved over the paper. I didn’t need to look at my subject to get the details right; the image of her was etched into my mind.

Her heart-shaped face. The slight upturn of her nose. Plump lips. Corkscrew curls.

After I was satisfied with the rough outline of her beautiful features, I wrote the first of many letters she’d never see.

Dear Kayla,

Today is the best and worst day of my life. The best, because I found out love at first sight really does exist. The worst, because I had to watch someone else be your hero.

Author Bio

Jamie Schlosser grew up on a farm in Illinois surrounded by cornfields. Although she no longer lives in the country, her dream is to return to rural living someday. As a stay-at-home mom, she spends most of her days running back and forth between her two wonderful kids and her laptop. She loves her family, iced coffee, and happily-ever-afters.

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Release Day Blitz: Dropout by Jamie Schlosser

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JIMMY
Over the past year, I’ve been called a lot of things. Slacker. Troublemaker. Party animal.
I thought I was on top of the world. Turns out, I was pretty close to rock bottom.
Now I have a new title: college dropout.
Talk about a reality check.
But I’ve got a chance to redeem myself. One summer to turn things around. Two months to prove I’m not a complete f*ck-up.
It’s time to change.
I want to get back to being one of the good guys.

MACKENNA
I have everything I need to live out my dream of being a reclusive songwriter—my guitar, my notebook, and blissful silence.
At least, I did until Jimmy moved in next door.
With tattoos, piercings, and mischievous green eyes, he’s got bad news written all over him. And last time I got with a bad boy, it ended horribly.
Jimmy makes me feel things I shouldn’t feel. Want things I shouldn’t want. He’s a hazard to my carefully laid plans.
But he’s only here for two months.
I can resist him...right?

*Although DROPOUT is part of a series, it can be enjoyed as a standalone.

Jimmy Buffet’s ‘Cheeseburger in Paradise’ blared through the house, and I followed the music to the kitchen. I wasn’t sure what I would find, but as long as it wasn’t my neighbor making out with her neighbor I was good.
Turning the corner, I stopped dead in my tracks at the sight in front of me.
It wasn’t Beverly. Or Ernie.
And I most definitely wasn’t good.
A guy wearing nothing but camo-print underwear and a peach-colored apron stood in front of the stove. He was facing away from me, and I caught sight of a large tattoo—angel wings—across the expanse of his muscular back.
Surprised, I let out a high-pitched squeak. The sound got the stranger’s attention and he started to pivot in my direction.
My eyes fell to his sculpted ass, the muscles flexing as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He wore briefs. Not boxers or boxer-briefs—actual tighties. No guy should look good in those, but damn, he did.
His black hair was shorter on the sides and longer on top. Some of the inky strands fell over his forehead, falling to just above his bright green eyes.
His lips were parted in surprise, and something flipped in my stomach at the sight of his mouth. The bottom lip was twice the size of the top. Plump. Pouty.
Dark tattoos painted his chest and he had colorful flowers down the length of his left arm. And…
Is that a nipple piercing?
Because of the apron, I couldn’t see his abs, but my guess was that he had a solid six-pack under there.
I opened my mouth to say something—anything.
I wanted to ask him what he was doing in Beverly’s house. Or apologize for walking in on him while he was naked.
Instead, my social awkwardness presented itself full-force with the words that tumbled out of my mouth next.
“If you tried to hide in the woods, at least no one would be able to see your ass.”
His emerald eyes widened. “What?”
Figuring he probably didn’t hear me the first time because of the loud music, I raised my voice. “Camouflage underwear. Your butt would totally blend in with the bushes.”
Looking like he was caught between laughing and being outraged, he opened his mouth to respond.
Then all hell broke loose.

Jamie Schlosser grew up on a farm in Illinois surrounded by cornfields. Although she no longer lives in the country, her dream is to return to rural living someday. As a stay-at-home mom, she spends most of her days running back and forth between her two wonderful kids and her laptop. She loves her family, iced coffee, and happily ever afters.

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